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October 15-Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

The picture posted above is one that I’ll treasure for the rest of my life. The day this picture was taken was the first day that Jimmy & I got to celebrate our new pregnancy together. I remember on that day the sun was shining, Spring time was upon us as it was middle of April so the warmth was starting to settle in. Jimmy had decided to take me to a spot along the river. A little oasis that he had previously found. That day we walked and we laughed. We talked about this pregnancy-how we were going to announce it, when the baby would be due in December etc etc. That day was pure bliss. It was a still shot moment in time before we entered into the chaos of loosing our baby. The calm before the storm.

This picture is the last picture that Jimmy took of me on that sandy point where our perception and our experience of a first time pregnancy was still perfect and unaltered. As I look back on this picture I remember that moment of pure joy and pride as I peaked down at my belly and the man standing behind the camera. That moment was filled with so much anticipation and excitement over what this baby held for our future.

And in the blink of an eye our reality went from this beautiful innocent photo of growing our baby to the uncharted territory of loosing our baby.

October is the month that acknowledges these sweet babies. It acknowledges those that have previously or presently walked through this loss and it offers a moment of silence and an opportunity for encouragement to those women and their families who have walked this road. Pregnancy and infant loss is not just something that happens to you one day and then the next day passes by. It's a long learning experience that leaves you on your knees before the Lord, over and over again begging and praying for rest. It's a process that causes you to fight three times as hard to move forward in faith instead of sink back into your fears and frustrations. It's a process where even though the pain subsides, the burden gradually begins to feel lighter and life moves forward in the way it should; those tiny lives that came and went so quickly are lives that are always remembered and wondered about. They are forever treasured and they are forever adored.

“And to think, the first thing he saw when his little eyes opened was the face of Jesus”.

Our little Liam wasn’t able to join us on this side of Heaven. But since he couldn’t we’re so grateful that He is with our Father who is adoring and treasuring him more than we ever could.