After my surgery for our ectopic pregnancy, the doctors informed us that we would need to wait 3 months before we could start trying for another baby. The Methotrexate that they put into my system had a very high potential for causing complications with another pregnancy. 3 months was the time frame they gave us in order for all of the medicine to fully move through my system.
It’s August now, and our 3 months is officially over. So much hope and freedom went into this new month as we anticipated what the Lord had in store for our family. Every night we prayed over our future baby and every night we prayed, believing that this could be the month that we got pregnant again.
Yesterday, my period started.
It has now officially been 6 months since we began this process of starting a family. In those 6 months we’ve been pregnant, lost a baby, been put on hold for trying for a baby and tried again with no success. If I’m being completely honest and vulnerable with you…. I half expected the Lord to allow us to get pregnant this month. In a way, I felt like we deserved it. After everything that’s happened I felt a sense of entitlement to it. This journey has felt like such an uphill battle. Surely God would bless us with this now.
This particular period ruined my day. I allowed it to. I grew weary of being strong and for that entire day I let Satan get a strong hold over my heart and fill my mind with lies about our circumstances and about who I am in Christ.
The truth of the matter is that I don’t know why we lost Liam to begin with and I don’t know why we didn’t get pregnant this month. But what I do know is that my emotions and circumstances do not change the fact that God is still faithful. It does not dictate how great the Father’s love for us is and it certainly does not determine our future. You see, when God says He is for us… He means it. We can’t always see what He’s working on, but the good news is that HE IS WORKING. And it’s for our good.
In the mean time while we wait I find goodness and thankfulness in the fact that I have a husband who I am deeply and madly in love with that treats me like his treasure. That is a gift. I have a job that pays our bills and provides for our family. That is a gift. I have a beautiful roof over my head. That is a gift. I have an opportunity, because I am alive and well every month to get pregnant again. That is a gift. Though the storm might seem like it will last forever, and though the days might seem unbearable at times. God is still good & He is faithful, regardless of our circumstances. That is the greatest gift.
"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments, to a thousand generations." Deuteronomy 7:9