We were 8 weeks along when our pregnancy officially came to an end. Far enough along for our baby to form their own heartbeat but not far enough along to find out their gender. Along with so many “what they would have been likes” not knowing the gender was particularly difficult. Before we had even found out that we were expecting we had been collecting a list of some of our favorite names. After my surgery we had gone back and forth about the concept of naming our baby. It wasn’t until a woman from church approached me and told me that giving your baby a name, even if you don’t know the gender is a good form of closure. Jimmy and I talked about it and we agreed. Choosing the name wasn’t difficult. We both felt that this baby was a boy (even though we’ll never really know that for sure until we get to Heaven). One of our favorite boy names has always been Liam, which in this case seemed even more appropriate seeing how the meaning behind Liam is
Against all odds and both doses of Methotrexate, that otherwise should have been successful to begin with, that tiny babe kept growing and so he became known as Liam.
A few months post surgery once life began to slow down a little bit, we decided it was time to have our own private burial for Liam. As a result of the rupture there was nothing left for us to physically bury. So we gathered my first clear blue pregnancy test and we set out in search of a place of remembrance. For a while now my parents have been building a house on a lake front property. In their plans for building, they intentionally left a patch of tall trees along the water for grandkids to play in as they grow. When we pulled up to the property I knew this was the way I wanted to remember him. In the years to come, as the construction comes to an end, and as we continue to add more children to our family; we will be able to look down at those tall trees as we watch our children laughing and playing. And at the same moments that we're watching those sweet children on this side of Heaven, well be able to honor the memory of our first baby, Liam.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13