After Jimmy & I lost our sweet baby, I decided I wanted to get a tattoo....I desired something permanent that would forever serve as a reminder of the precious life that we lost.
I wanted something that was simply stated, but carried a world of meaning behind it.
This specific placement of a wrist tattoo represents more than just our loss to me. You see there is tremendous irony surrounding those 3 little birds. For as long as I can remember my biggest fear has always been of birds. I don't know where the fear originated from but it's always been there.
If you would have asked me 6 months ago if I would ever get a tattoo with birds in it I would have laughed at you
But the truth is that up until about 3 months ago, birds USED to be my biggest fear. If I'm being honest with myself and with all of you, my biggest fear NOW is actually being completely out of control of how life happens. Loosing our baby has made me feel vulnerable and helpless in more ways than I can count. I had no control over when we got pregnant to begin with, I had no control over how we lost the baby and I have no control over if or when we will get pregnant again...being out of control can be scary & frustrating..... but it can also be beautiful and relieving because
God is in control.
When I look down at my tattoo... i'm reminded of our tiny baby that we released out of our own hands sooner than we would have hoped for. But more importantly when i look down at my wrist i'm reminded to release those fears of being out of control into the hands of our Father. And in those moments that i'm doubting God's love for me or His plans for our future, I am reminded of the nails He took for me BECAUSE He loves me that much & He wanted to give me a future.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
He doesn't promise us the answers and He doesn't promise us that it will be easy. But I do believe that despite hardships & pain that we might walk through, His plans are still to prosper us and not to harm us. There is hope and there is future. As I stated before in a previous blog, my story is still being written and so is yours. There is beauty in that.